?

Log in

No account? Create an account
litwus

Here is the last part of this ff. Enjoy:)


3.

 

 From actors' diary...

 

We thought before, we know what love is. Until we experienced it. Emotional bond was born between two of us, we had common interests, so we couldn't stop talking. When one was empty, next one came in and next, and next. There was no monotony, there was always something going on. Every new day brought new, exciting stuff. We didn't have any secrets. We knew each other's pros and cons,, we shared ups and downs. We finally saw difference between liking and love! But for us it is forbidden. It will cause too much pain. We made joint decision about finishing it and it wasn't easy.

Boundless love, the only boundary was death... Prefect, flawless love... With only one fly in the ointment. It's prohibited...

We're sitting now drinking red wine. We shot 100th episode yesterday, everything went fine. Today we had little party because of that. Everybody, well almost, appeared. Eloquent speeches, acknowledgements and this barely seen kiss, on the photo it looks as it was on the cheek, but it was a soft peck of lips missed by paparazzi. Magical, whispered  'I love you' was something our, real, but forbidden... Convicted on failure... We finally saw difference between liking and love! But for us it is forbidden. It will cause too much pain.

Last month we had some arguments whether we break the chains, are together and hurt everybody around us, finishing our own torments, venting emotions and giving chance to our love or do we put an end to it. Finally Emily decided - we cut.

We sacrificed our happiness for other... I wasn't clearly sure, but I saw her suffering. I couldn't bear that. I couldn't hurt my love...

We gave up without fighting. We decided, it wasn't easy. It's our last joint evening...

It seemed to us we know what love is. But now we experienced it.

When everything went down, SO after 3am we secretly met in room where few hours before we had celebrated success. Not only crew, but also our private one. If it wasn't for the show we wouldn't meet and feel affection honest and clear as a tear. We don't even know how it happened. Glasses of champagne were almost vanishing. We called back all moments spent on plan and beyond it. We felt that something SO desired will happen, but we will regret it. It came to our minds, but... It's worth it.

Passion, desire were stronger than ethics...

At one moment we looked into each other's eyes, we saw there chemistry, passion, sultriness. As we had never seen before. It was a blink of an eye, when we were on the floor in each other's clasp. Fingers were wandering on bodies, looking for explosions and giving them to thirsty souls.

Kisses gave to burning body causes creeps and shiver of desire. There was nothing but us and our moment of truth. We delayed way too long, but now it was right time. It was our farewell... Words of love whispered between kisses, tears of happiness mixed with sad ones... Two elements connected in dance, passionate dance of lovers, craving for closeness that they have only for a moment...

Our bodies weaved in crazy grip, connected in unfulfilled lust. Moves were very gentle, full of tenderness, passion and love. We swayed in one direction, giving each other endless delight. We kissed with passion and every kiss was entry to something unavoidable. He was turned on enough, so was she. He looked into her eyes once again, where he saw consent to next step.

- David - I whispered between kisses, barely breathing.

- I love you Emily- I said after a moment, looking into her blue eyes. - I love you. - I repeated. - Neither people nor anything else can change it, remember. Don't listen to other people if they told you it's not true. This is ours and only ours.

- I love you. - I whispered, happy. - Nobody can take away what is between us. And now, make love with me. Just love me. - I murmured and ecstasy took over me.

I complied with her request. I started moving slowly, going deeper and deeper with every move. It was so gentle, but fulfilling at the same time. Emily bit her lip, and through her body was going another spasm of rapture. Every next bringing together led us to orgasm we never had. Possessed by heat of our bodies, passion, desire, they slowly lost contact with reality.

There were only us... Myself and she... It was night full of passion, night that vented hidden lusts. You might think it was only 'rapid sex', having nothing in common with love. You're wrong. It was the miracle of love that I was talking about in series. When two become one. We were one. For a moment, but we were.

It was the most beautiful thing that we have ever experienced.

Do we regret?

Never ever! It won't happen again. We decided to break up, but night of lovers will stay in my mind forever. Lovers who are not meant to be happy.

Always in my mind...

Fate is cruel. We are in relationships and despite we're happy, it shouldn't be this way...

But we have to keep on living...

If I turned back the time, we would do something totally different. We would be happy, together. Nobody would suffer. Now we can't do anything. Too little courage, too much pain.

And despite there is not only chemistry, desire, trust and love between us, this affection is forbidden. We have to sacrifice, give it up, because it's too expensive. We will hurt lots of people and we don't want that. We have each other, not exactly in the way we would like to, but we are grateful to God he crossed our paths. Friendship is good, even if it's not enough.  We were late. There is nothing for us. We have great memories and nobody can wipe them out. They are only ours, hidden somewhere deep inside our hearts...

 

 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
litwus
I'm glad  you enjoyed 1st part:)


2.


From actor's diary...


Tell me, is this a sin to love someone and be happy?
I wonder what tempted me into writing this note. Man in his forties with luggage of experience, wife and two kids. As they say, 'happily ever after'. But my happiness met me way too late. But it was so baeutiful, I must write it down. Because despite its beauty, it has to be concealed from whole world...
I remember seeing her for the first time.
First thing I thought was 'Cute, but pretty boring'. She was nice, yes, but not riveting. I guess I was more interested in crazy Michaela. Em was sweet from the very beginning, but so quiet and lost. She was SO modest, she didn't look down on anybody...
What made me change my opinion about her? What made me so in love with her?
It was just a few moments after we had met for the first time, They gave us roles to play and didn't say a word, just short 'Do it.'
The scene on the range, our first joint one was beginning of my feeling. Emily seduced me, played with me, she came into my soul. And I let her. With every next scene I was ready to do anything she asks for. She was amazing, she did her best for role, trifled with the character, what was hilarious. She gave her innocence to stiff anthropologist, which was something that turned me on SO MUCH about her.
Days I had spent with her changed me internally. I felt with her... Oh boy, I begged for another minute. She was becoming someone, who I woke up in the morning and ran to plan for. Nobody affected me in this way. Even Sarah, my partner for ages, which I had spent great time with. But it was different. Emily was a riddle to me and challenge at the same time. Initially I tried to put her off the role, but I knew she was born to play it. With every next day and month, a bond between us was growing stronger. The bond nobody understood, even me. Neither did Emily. She conquered me unwittingly, so delicate, so subtle, feminine in every meaning with her seducing voice. I don't know how she did that, it wasn't a dalliance, but somehow she made my heart beat faster every time I saw her.
Slowly, a friendship stronger than any I had before, connected us. I told her about everything that made me laugh, she was my shoulder to cry on. She listened, as nobody did before. She was there, when I was angry, especially on the plan. We understood each other without words. We could just last in silence, words were redundant. The only important thing was us. It was so beautiful, but gentle. I missed the moment I felt something more and believe me, it wasn't a liking. It got at me quickly, that she's more than just a colleague, a friend. She was someone I needed. And I was lost. I have wife that I love, son, daughter was born not so long ago, and... It wasn't that. My affection to Emily was more than desire. I wanted her for me, just for me. When she was away, I was going mad.
I didn't show that, of course. It was all tearing me inside. When she was close, I was happy. There was nothing, but us. I started talking to her more boldly, which was so confusing to her. I know, it could be seen when I only got closer to her, when I grabbed her hand or gave a hug. She fought with this new born feeling. But I didn't make it easier for her, I even encouraged her not to do it. When she was blushed about my presence, closeness, I wanted her even more. I wanted to hide her in my arms and whisper right into her ear 'Don't worry, baby. Everything will be fine, I'm here.' But I couldn't. I was with someone, she was alone, which surprised me or even hurt. But it was stronger. I only dreamed about tasting her lips, that lifted me SO much. In show? We could only dream. So I started working on my own. I tried, but I never succeed. I often couldn't control myself not to feel the taste of her lips, even if we weren't alone, during interviews, when they asked about us, it was way stronger. When she repeated 'He tries to kiss me again, see? He tries to kiss me again.', I wanted to get out of there and take her into my arms. But I wasn't courageous enough. She always smiled and her smile was bliss to me.
When I had read Christmas episode, I almost went crazy. I was jumping so high, I was looking forward to it like child waiting for Santa. Friendly kiss, some may say, but I couldn't cool myself down. I almost crushed her lips, I couldn't draw back. It was pleasant, nice, kiss was to be gentle, but it was full of desire, passion, vehemence. I couldn't draw back. She kisses me holding my suit, which turned me on SO much. We were so busy with each other that we didn't hear 'Cut', 'Stop'. After a moment Emily awoke. She was ashamed, I saw it in her eyes.
It changed everything between us, kiss wiped out the line that was there. Nothing was the same. We both suffered because we couldn't meet outside the shooting plan. Leave out all the rest and just be...
I remember the day when she came to us. Jaime had planned dinner with her cousin. She said 'Maybe they'll like each other, maybe some chemistry will appear.' I didn't realise it was her plan of separating us. She knew there was something between Em and me. She knew it perfectly. Newspapers, interviews, scenes on youtube, paparazzi photos... It came up to her.
Dinner was fine, but tasteless to me. I had picture of my Emily in my head, while she was being picked up by this guy. I was boiling inside, but I didn't show anything.
Next day she was stand-offish to me. I didn't know why. Has she changed within few hours? I couldn't believe that. We did meet, but it wasn't the same.
She hurt me with her coldness, she rejected me and I didn't know why.I kept on thinking what did I do wrong...
And then I understood... She felt pain seeing me with wife, she met David and she looked up to him to forget... I was upset...
Days passed and we were growing apart. Friendship stayed, but... Emily didn't manage. It was too much for her. She was unhappy and so was I.
We suffered in silence. All chemistry vanished, even in series. But some day...
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
litwus
I hope you like it. It was written in Polish, but I hope in English hasn't change the sense of it. Enjoy:) Feel free to comment:)


The story about forbidden love, which doesn’t have a chance, because it would hurt a lot of people…

1.


From the actress’s diary…



Have you ever been in love so much that you forgot about all and all?
As far as I remember, from very first day I saw him, my heart was beating as mad. It's funny, I know, I'm not the youngest, I've been through so much and on some guy's view softened my knees. I had never met anybody like him before.
Beginnings of our acquaintance weren't the best, but slowly, step by step we were changing our attitude to each other. At first we were just colleagues. We had private life, inaccessible for another one. As actor you can separate work and private life, and so we did. We were 'colleagues' from the plan. Few sentences told on the run and we were back to the scene we had to shoot. There was invisible line, like in the show, which divided our worlds. I was after few relationships, but I hadn't found what I was looking for in any of them. I was running away in fleeting relationships, not to think of anything, just have fun... I wasn't mature enough for love. I didn't desire anybody, his closeness, just presence.
Maybe I hadn't found it in anybody and that's why I stopped searching. What for, if it doesn't exist?
I knew happy in love and those less beaming. I knew couples for whom relationship was a habit or duty called child. Wine, singing, shared night and BANG, pregnancy a few days later and then wedding, because it should be like that. That's why I lost faith in feeling clean as tear, that fills you from head to toe...
Days on plan were getting longer, the show was liked more and more, we had more rehearsals. Every day our relations were changing, becoming stronger. There was a bond between us. As between everybody, I guess, but this one was something deeper. This all chemistry, which was to connect main characters, was given to us.
We saw each other outside shooting plan oftener and oftener. Something was pulling us to each other, some kind of force was like a magnet to attract us. It was attraction and desire at the beginning, but it never had been love. I was wondering whether I would find someone who will love me one day. And I will love him back...
And such person appeared, despite nothing showed that hot and sincere feeling will connect us. Day by day we were getting to know each other, parties connected with show promotion (and not only) were perfect opportunity for making our relation closer and more intimate. The better you know other one, the better your cooporation is, isn't it? And it was so. Every day I found out more about him. Guy's appearance was never import_ant for me, but when I saw him and his chocolate eyes... Something inside me burst.
I don't remember how it happened that I had fallen in love with him SO much. I desired his closeness, every glance caused creeps. Every touch, every fusion of hands made me shiver. However, I couldn't show that it affects me so strong. I mean, he's married with kid, I'm with next boyfriend. It's impossible - I thought. But I noticed, I'm not indifferent to him. He looks at me in different way, smiles, hugs and it's not pat of chatting me up. I wonder what does it mean. He says it's something amazing, but he can't understand neither his feelings nor desire.
I try to stop myself, but it's so tough, especially after yesterday kiss, that had made my legs as weak as cotton wool. We were shooting the scene and BANG he approached his lips to mine, making a nice mark there. I gave it back and I felt heat spreading on my body. Whole crew was walled up. They have seen this chemistry between us for some time. They keep on saying it affects characters in a good way, making spectators' curiosity even bigger.
They thought we were faking and they were wrong. It wasn't our series any more, it was reality of feelings we had. Days, months, even years passed... Memorable scene under mistletoe...
We probably overacted, because they couldn't separate us... Well, our lips wanted this and finally got it.
Show with next season received acclaim and crowds of fans, who would like to see Booth and Bones together. And us, Emily and David, even more. And so did we...
However, there were some dark clouds above us. David's wife began to come to plan oftener to check on us. She had never said it straight on, but she gave us a feeling of that, especially to me.
I remember us shooting final of 4th season today. She had appeared out of the blue and whole magic of scene in bed disappeared. Scene, I was afraid of, but somewhere deep inside I wanted so badly it almost hurt and I wasn't alone in this desire...
Fans didn't notice that. They were pissed off that it was a dream, not real as Hart had promised. We've been hiding since then. But one day...
 
 
litwus
07 April 2010 @ 09:37 pm
HI:)  
Hi I'm new on LJ. My name is Agnieszka, and I came from Poland. I love watching Bones, and I 'm addicted to two great friends Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz, which play Bones and booth on series Bones, called DEMILY. I'm writing ff about  B&B, but l tried write to something about Demily. 
This is my 1st fic, without happy ending but last, next one are with happy ending and lots of love. Hope you enjoy it:)